As a mom (specifically a stay-at-home mom), it is so easy to get lost in the shuffle. I often feel sucked dry because I’m always meeting the needs of others. I often repeat one question to myself and sometimes I just want to shout it out. “What about me! When are you going to do something for me!”
But Baby Mac isn’t talking much yet or doing much of anything really. Unless you count peeing on me when I’m not quick enough to cover him up.
So I turn to Mr. B and shout it out instead. The truth is that he feels the same way.
He’s up and out the door early to head to work every day. Solving the problems of his customers and occasionally dealing with dumpster fires as he (not-so) affectionately calls them. And when he gets home, he does his best to transition straight into Dad mode while I hand him the kids and chop some onions for dinner. (That’s talent. I know.)
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It’s so easy for him to say, “Honey, I just got home. Can I just have a few minutes?” and then I’ll look at him pleading, “Yeah, well, what about me! I’ve been here all day.”
What if I’m asking the wrong question?
What Is the One Question I Should Be Asking?
I’ve tried to change my mindset to a “What About You?” attitude. An experiment of sorts. When Mr. B gets home from work, I try to take a break to welcome him home and I don’t flood him with issues (right away). We had a heart-to-heart awhile back and understanding his mindset when he gets home has allowed me to empathize and adjust.
Munchkin and Punkin are always great at greeting him with a “DADDY!” and a huge running hug.
I try to stop cooking long enough to give him a smile and a kiss and a “How was your day?”
Our home is a sanctuary. It is a place I want my family to come home to and feel like they can finally exhale.
But Really, What About Me?
At this point, it seems like I’m encouraging moms to not worry about themselves and their needs. Not at all!
How can we possibly love our families well and have the energy to take care of them (especially with a house of littles) if we are always pouring out and never getting replenished?
In a marriage, it takes both people to make this idea work. I can get replenished when Mr. B humbles himself and has a “What about you?” attitude toward me.
How This One Question Changes The Way You Fight
Most days, Mr. B and I do okay. We work hard to serve each other and love each other well. It is not always sunshine and rainbows. The more we work at it together the easier it has started to become. We had a fight the other day – in front of the kids. But I have no regrets about it. He was trying his hardest to serve me and allow me to go to a woman’s prayer gathering. He knows I love going and serving but he had been sick (along with a couple of our kiddos). I didn’t feel right leaving him at home to take care of everyone and try to get Bug where she needed to be. I wanted him to be able to rest and recover.
So while I was telling him I would just go the next time, he was arguing with me that I should go.
It was gracious and loving and the arguing in front of the kids gave an example of two people working so hard to serve each other (and ultimately, love each other well). It’s the only kind of fighting we allow ourselves to have with the kids within earshot.